User Profile

I am not sure how to start.I have been confused about my identity for the longest ..i am 32 now ..i have always felt that my core is a real girl ,but never had any chance to express it in public..my whole life have been devoted for education and work and after acheive what my mom wanted me to be which is not easy ..i do have a wonderful highly paid career ,but i feel so empty and unreal ..not sure what is causing that..never felt satisfied i always come back to that small place inside of me and play with that lil girl waiting there for me all the time.that lil girl that i have been ignorning .a lil bit about my childhood ..i have been raised up by really wonderful parents ,but they were strict ..like study ,go to church ,do good deeds mom..which is not bad ..but i never had a chance to express my self much...although that paid off one day..but i feel that day by day happiness and satifaction ran away...not sure if it is too late ! but i am so confused and i donnu where to start ..i feel home on this site and i wish that i can find few friends who can accept me the way i am ,the real me ,not the fake one...not sure if i am using the right term...to add to the story more complexity ..i have been with couple of guys and i was raped (literally) by one...i thought for a while that i am gay and i am just afraid to come out of the box..but when i think about it "if i am a real girl now ,i still wana be with a guy"that means that i m not gay(dont catch me wrong ,i admire gay ppl and quite few of my friends are gay and i love them )..but my point here is if i am a girl ,i still wana be with a guy..i guess that it is not the orientation ,but the gender ..that brings me to square one..that i wana be a girl and i donnu what to do at this point ....any help will be appreciated ..i wish that i can have someone accepting that i can talk to ..is it too late? would anyone like me the way i am?where i am hitting?i am so confused ..everything is vague and my soul is lost..!!

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